Wednesday, June 26, 2019

“The master said, ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together!’” (Matthew 25:23, New Living Translation) 

                Ah, retirement! It is wondrous! It is a blessing! It is sweet and delicious. It is… well, you get my point. There was a report this week which claimed that most Canadians over the age of 55 are happy or content with their lives. I suspect that many of those folk are probably retired.

                We attended a celebration event on Sunday in Kingston for the retirement of my brother, Wayne, after nearly 60 years in pastoral ministry, the last fifteen years at Edith Rankin Memorial United Church.  His wife, Jean Stairs, who has been doing team ministry with him over the last several years, was also feted for her retirement at the same time.

                I am not sure Wayne knows what exactly to expect about retirement. He thought that I was crazy retiring so early and I think he was nuts for working so long. But to each his own. He has been a dedicated and exhaustive worker for the Church his whole life. He has wanted to be a minister since he was knee-high to a tadpole. He has remained in church ministry into his 70s and has been very fruitful, successful and productive in all those years. I am immensely proud of him.

                He has not really seriously asked me other than saying to me on Sunday whether this retirement thing is all that it is cracked up to be. My short answer was, yes, it has been wonderful. The time is your own and I have loved every minute of my retirement. I joke that I wish that I had done it 40 years ago. I am not sure that he was totally convinced.

                But it got me to thinking about a longer answer – after all, you take the man out of preaching but not the preaching out of the man.

                To anyone who struggles with retirement, thinking about retirement or is restless in retirement (and trust me, ministers are among the worst in adapting to retirement) here is my unsolicited advice.

                Let retirement come to you naturally. You don’t have to grab it by the horns and tame it. Find its natural flow; breathe the air of its freedom; sense its new rhythms and life’s patterns. Don’t tackle it aggressively, but let it find you and reward you in ways that you haven’t experienced since you were a child, probably. Retirement doesn’t have to be profound or intense to be interesting and meaningful. You don't have to consume your retirement; savor it, instead. You may have time on your hands; that’s not a bad thing – you can use it if you want but it is not mandatory. You can finally drop the Protestant Work Ethic.

                Retirement can become time, space and place for rediscovery of favourite pastimes, hobbies or projects. But don’t go at those things like your hair is on fire. Enjoy the pace of retirement. Like it is written in Ecclesiastes there is a time for everything and now you are in control of those times.

                I have never been a fan of a purpose driven life philosophy for anyone. It sounds too intense, obsessive, compulsive, hardcore single-mindedness.  Driven people may have the most difficult time in retirement. I loved my years in ministry but I have received this amazing gift and permission from God to kick off my shoes and let others pay heed to burning bushes. I get to spend more time with my grandchildren, have time to write, to play silly computer games, build Lego sets, to choose activities that I enjoy. I still do on-call chaplaincy at the hospital and serve on a couple of committees.  I am just busy enough to keep me active.

                Life is good!  I pray that if you are in one of the 55 years and older categories that happiness has found you and contentment is not eluding you. Enjoy!

Dale

Wednesday, June 19, 2019

“Don't you see that children are God's best gift? The fruit of the womb his generous legacy? Like a warrior's fistful of arrows are the children of a vigorous youth.  Oh, how blessed are you parents, with your quivers full of children!" (Psalm 127: 3-4, The Message Bible) 

                Talk about quiversful, our family is growing and then some.

                Let me re-phrase the Psalm slightly. “Oh, how blessed are you grandparents with your quivers full of grandchildren.”

                Along with the previously announced anticipated Fall arrivals of two grandchildren, a third is now expected by early January, a newborn for Krista and Nathaniel, a sibling for Declan. We are the envy of every wanna-be grandparent we meet, and a few who would like more grandchildren.

                Along with the joys of my retirement, we will have the pleasure of 7 grandchildren, all under the age of six. Yeah, I know; I am just rubbing it in.

                Yesterday, I was having a conversation with one of the daughters of my doctor. He had been asked by another patient whether he was spoiling his twin, five-year old grandsons. Of course, he was. The daughter who is also the receptionist sardonically chirped in by saying that she found it hard to believe that this is the same man who raised her as he is  now such a softie when it came to the grandsons. I suspect that my adult children could say much the same thing about me.

                I don’t know what it is about grandchildren but dang it, they can make you weak at the knees.

                I suppose that I could fret about the kind of world these three children are being born into. Sometimes, it looks like a mess – environmentally, politically, culturally, and so on. We all could do a better job of improving this ol’ world so that our children and grandchildren have a better opportunity to enjoy the future. But I expect that sentiment has been expressed for time immemorial by all upcoming generations which doesn’t make it any less true or poignant.

                I also suppose that it would be easy for old codgers like myself to complain that that today’s youth and children have never had it so easy and how entitled and self-absorbed they seem. I could say that; except I don’t really believe it that much. I think that today’s children and youth face issues, circumstances, peer pressure, defining sexual identities, pressures that most of us never even dreamed of when we were young. Each generation is different, of course, and faced or are facing diverse challenges. But I would say that in my youth the main question seemed to be, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Now it seems to be “Who do you want to be when you grow up?” And it seems a a much harder question to answer.

                I’ve said it before but I will say it again; in light of the world which our children are facing, we need to be a compass for them. This doesn’t mean we make their decisions for them all the time or force down their throats our old social, theological, cultural doctrines and creeds. We encourage; we listen; we speak from our experience when they ask; we seek accountability without threats and intimidation. We accept our responsibilities as adults to model, guide, teach, lead, inspire, bless, forgive and love our children at all costs. A compass – we point out a possible direction; eventually we let them go.

                I will confess that this is somewhat easier for a grandparent.  We don’t spend 24/7 with our grandchildren. We’d probably go nuts if we did or at least be so exhausted that we wouldn’t care that they’ve dressed up the cat and are holding it hostage in a doll carriage. So, instead,  we encourage their parents; give ‘em a break every  now and then; listen a lot and then advise but only if and when asked; let them make mistakes and then empathize; help them find the humour in some of situations and let them know that they are still unconditionally loved (even as we wilfully remind them that what goes around comes around).

                “Now that I am old and gray, do not abandon me, O God. Let me proclaim your power to this new generation, your mighty miracles to all who come after me.” (Psalm 71:18, New Living Translation)

Dale

Wednesday, June 12, 2019

“When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.” (1 Corinthians 13:11, New Living Translation) 

                The older I get I am finding that my tastes are changing, both literally and figuratively.

                For instance, I used to enjoy sweet things like licorice all-sorts and milk chocolate and sweet desserts, but now these are far too sweet and I go for dark chocolate and like its slightly more bitter taste. I prefer dark, strong coffee.  I used to love spaghetti but tomato sauces are now unappealing and a turn-off. I like sour tastes like lemonade. I’d rather have fresh fruit than candy or cake.

                My taste in music is far different than when I was in my teens.  I never listen to pop music today and wouldn’t know a top ten artist or a song if my life depended on it. I grew up with the Beatles and the Rolling Stones, the great music of the 60’s. Now I prefer Sinatra, Louis Armstrong, Billie Holiday and various Blues and Jazz artists, even though some of them were more my parent’s generation than mine. Oh, I still can’t stand most opera, so some things haven’t changed although Gilbert and Sullivan has always appealed somewhat. 

                Perhaps as I eventually drift into my second childhood, my tastes will shift even further.

                I have never been a big fan of nostalgia. I seldom ever lament the so-called “good ol’ days”. The past is the past as far as I am concerned and try to leave it there the best that I can. I don’t always like change but neither do I fight it or overtly resist it. I have always thought that change can be healthy, renewing, invigorating and an opportunity for something new to arise. Susan has accused me that I would deliberately instigate change in any of my churches if and whenever church-life became routine, predictable or safe. She may not be wrong.

                I know that Jesus once said that we should become like children in order to engage in the kingdom of God life. But I don’t think this was suggesting that we should be immature, childish, or stuck in a Sunday School-like faith only. It may be appealing to keep our walk of faith as simple as we can, to maintain a black-and-white creed, and desire that “old time religion”. After all, if it was good enough for Peter…

But a mature life needs a mature faith also, especially to meet the complex and complicated issues and challenges that make up our lives, our culture and politics in our world.

I wonder how Paul would have understood Jesus’ comment. Paul was one to commend a mature faith, steeped deeply in the principles of faith and practice.  He chastises the “saints” in Corinth, “But for right now, friends, I'm completely frustrated by your unspiritual dealings with each other and with God. You're acting like infants in relation to Christ, capable of nothing much more than nursing at the breast. Well, then, I'll nurse you since you don't seem capable of anything more,” (1 Corinthians 3: 1 -2, The Message Bible

The writer of Hebrews is also frustrated with the lack of Christian maturity among his readers. “By this time, you ought to be teachers yourselves, yet here I find you need someone to sit down with you and go over the basics on God again, starting from square one - baby's milk, when you should have been on solid food long ago! Milk is for beginners, inexperienced in God's ways; solid food is for the mature, who have some practice in telling right from wrong.” (Hebrews 5: 12 -15, The Message)

Our faith needs to grow, evolve, progress, ripen, and become richer and deeper as we grow older. Some of our ideas about God, Jesus or matters of faith may change or need to be altered as our understanding, appreciation and knowledge increases. That is the only way to have a tough enough, strong enough, lasting faith that leads us through all the days of being.

Dale

Wednesday, June 5, 2019

“I compare you, my love, to as mare among Pharaoh’s chariots…” (Songs of Solomon 1:9, New Revised Standard version)

                I am pretty sure that most woman, i.e. wives or girlfriends, wouldn’t appreciate being compared to a horse, no matter how complimentary it was meant.  But when you read the Songs of Solomon, this compliment, at least, doesn’t make you blush and feel that you are reading someone’s private, romantic mail between two lovers. “Your rounded thighs are like jewels, the work of a master hand. Your navel is a rounded bowl, that never lacks mixed wine. Your belly is a heap of wheat encircle with lilies. Your breasts are like two fans, twins of a gazelle…” (7: 1 3). Too much information here!

And what’s with all the animal analogies, “Your eyes are like doves…your hair is like a flock of goats moving down the slops of Gilead. Your teeth are like flock of shorn ewes that have comes up from the washing…” (4:1 – 2).

This man really knows how to turn a woman’s head!

But it leads me to some commentary which we watched on PBS recently – knowing how to take a compliment. And it has got me to thinking…

Many of us are not very good at it – taking a compliment. We deflect, brush off, ignore, trivialize, and make light of the good, complimentary things that may come our way.  Sometimes, it’s humility that stands in the way of the compliment. Sometimes, it because we don’t feel that we deserve it or have earned it or some have a very low self-image.  Some of us grew up believing that our good works were simply expected and one should never expect praise or commendation. It certainly was taboo to boast and toot your own horn. Actions called for modesty and self-deflection.

Worse is that we remember the uncomplimentary things people say about us far better than the complimentary things. One little criticism can overshadow a dozen nice things which were said and then eat away at us for some time. I was a master at that, worrying away at some small, unkind remark even while many others were patting me on the back. I even knew what I was doing to myself but found it hard not to dwell on the negativity, despite the praise.

The woman on PBS suggested that we keep a diary of the complimentary things that people say to us or about us. At first, that may sound a little egotistical, but I would agree that it may help remind us, especially in the rough times, that we are more capable and worthy and well-intentioned than we give ourselves credit for. Therefore, it encourages us to repeat our victories, no matter how small, and this helps build character and mindfulness and patterns of goodness (righteousness). Accepting a compliment, when deserved, lightens the soul, engages the heart, and uplifts the spirit.

It is not un-Christian to take a compliment. I might rather argue that it is more un-Christian to be judgmental, critical and hurtful toward others. It is more un-Christian not to pass compliments on to people around us, not flattery or fake praise, but a sincere acknowledgment when someone has done their best. Let them know it!

The apostle Paul could be a bit of a grumpy old cuss, at times, but he was always lavish with praise and gratefulness for his fellow-workers or the people in his churches.  They weren’t perfect but he encouraged them with his appreciation for their faith and labours. E.g. “We always give thanks to God for all of you and mention you in our prayers, constantly remembering before our God and Father your work of faith and labor of love and steadfastness of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ,” (1 Thessalonians 1: 2 -3, NRSV)

So, when someone says somethings good to you or about you, receive it with joy and thanksgiving.  Then, pass it on to someone else. Seek the good and it will come back to you!

Let your words and deeds be like a sack full of squealing, little piglets…  oh, you know what I mean!

Dale