Wednesday, August 17, 2016

             My mother turns 94 today. She lives in a nursing home in Kingston. My brother who also lives in Kingston, with much assistance from my sister who lives in Ottawa, does the bulk of looking after any needs that the nursing home might not. I am the “baby” of the family. Although Mom likes to muse from time to time about packing her bags and moving out of the residence she really understands that this is “home”.  Most of the time Mom seems to feel safest to stay in or near her room as walking has become hazardous and her sight is almost totally gone, although it amazes me what she can see sometimes.

Oddly, my Mom and I are much closer now than ever.  When I was a teenager, for instance, it was battle after battle, lots of yelling both ways, and frustration and friction for us both. It was a battle of two very stubborn wills.  She has said to me a few times that she shouldn’t have tried to raise me the same way she did my older siblings. But for all that she and my Dad didn’t really do so badly.  

Our long, telephone calls now are generally great conversations about family news, what we have been doing, laughing at some of things going at the residence and chuckling about herself when she gets herself in some predicament because she is too impatient to wait for staff to arrive (a reputation of which all the staff are very aware and evidently how I came about my severe impatience). I should phone more often than I do but it is amazing how time gets away on one.

Respect for one’s parents ranks right up there with honouring the Sabbath. “Each of you must respect your mother and father, and you must observe my Sabbaths. I am the LORD your God,” (Leviticus 19:3). Look, I know that there are some terrible parents out there. If I read one more story about some idiot adult leaving their child locked up in a stifling hot, steamy car while they go into a casino or a shopping mall, I might scream. But as I have said before parenting doesn’t come with an operator’s manual. Even good parents make mistakes and may be wrong occasionally. Still, best efforts by our parents deserve our understanding, patience, and respect. “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you,” (Exodus 21:5). There is no excuse for elder abuse, even though I understand that frustration, exasperation and irritation can arise with an obstreperous senior. (I plan to be one, so look out Soble kids!) But as they say, try a little tenderness, and show them some love. It might not change them, but it will help you.

So thanks, Ma!  (She hates being called “Ma.”) Happy Birthday! And yes, I am wearing clean underwear.

Dale