Wednesday, October 24, 2018

“Then Jesus added, ‘Pay close attention to what you hear. The closer you listen, the more understanding you will be given —and you will receive even more.’” (Mark 4:24, New Living Translation) 

                One of the recurring criticisms of our municipal government during the recent election was that the elected representatives on our City Council “weren’t listening to the people”.  I am not convinced that this was actually the case as much as they tried to listen to all the voices, no matter how contrary the various ideas and opinions, and ended up, sometimes, paralyzed in doing anything, lest it might offend someone.  Afterall, various City Councils have been debating the idea of a Parkway through Peterborough for over 50 years! And still they are nowhere close to getting it done or forgetting about it altogether. Yikes!

                But, more to the point, it seems to be that often when someone accuses others that they are not listening to them that the only way they will ever be convinced that they are being heard is if  the listeners agree totally with what has been said. “You aren’t listening” may become “You aren’t doing what I want you to do” or “why aren’t you agreeing with me?” or “You must know that I absolutely right about this!”

                Of course, it is entirely possible that I have indeed listened, heard, understood and comprehended everything that another has said, but that even after listening I simply don’t agree with the proffered point of view. But it doesn’t necessarily mean that I didn’t listen at all.

                Don’t get me wrong, there are many, many instances in our human communications when listening gets lost in the process. We become defensive or argumentative, stubborn, and become too busy forming our own little speeches wanting to win the debate or argument at any cost, so that any attempt at sincere listening gets drowned out by loud and frustrated voices.

I would say even that our rampant, embroiled, uncivil discourse in our current culture is indeed because we aren’t listening to each other very well. We are drowning each other out by our heated rhetoric, unfiltered animosity towards those who are different, and the overemphasis on individualism fanned by technology  which all, therefore, leads to the loss of deeper community.

                The loss of listening happens in all sorts of our human relationships and institutions: dating, marriage, family, organizations, churches, and so on. When we stop listening and then accuse others of also not listening because we are so convinced of our rightness, it is small wonder we can’t keep from hating each other, call others names, labeling others, and refusing to get along with anyone who doesn’t agree with us. “Everybody is sinful, but you and me and I am not too sure about you!”

                Listening is hard work. I am probably the last person who should be giving advice about listening which some of my critics from my churches would quickly tell you.  Nevertheless, listening takes effort, patience, time, and commitment. One usually needs to suspend making facile, quick, immediate judgements. Often, one should be slow in speaking or offering opinions, if at all, until the appropriate moment. Wait until the other person is finished, with little or no interruption. Ask clarifying questions. Then repeat back to the other person what you think you have heard to see if you actually got any of it right.  Even if you disagree with what the other says, one responds with courtesy, respect, civility and, dare I say it, with love!

                I think about Job’s three friends who came to console him during his terrible afflictions and trials. Everything was going so well - until they opened their mouths and started to tell Job all the ways he was wrong.

                “Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.”  (James 1:19, NLT)

Dale