Wednesday, September 25, 2024

“Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.”  (Proverbs 22:6, New Living Translation)

                Grandparenting is easy; parenting was hard.

                But I didn’t realize how complex and difficult it is for today’s parents, like our own adult children with their young families, until I read an article today on CBC News about “lighthouse parenting.” Never heard the phrase before. I have heard about helicopter parents; those who hover over their children every step of the way. But the article introduced me to other unfamiliar parenting styles. “Then came the bulldozer parents seeking to remove any and all obstacles out of our child's path… Then tiger parents pushed their children to be highly successful, while jellyfish parents were lenient and flexible….” There are more, but you get the idea. They left out “tough love” for parents of wayward teens as opposed to gentle parents who use gentle forms of persuasion and instruction.

                Now, I grew up in an age when the main biblical adage which supported some of my mother’s parenting style was: “Don’t be afraid to correct your young ones; a spanking won’t kill them. A good spanking, in fact, might save them from something worse than death.” (Proverbs 23: 13 -14, The Message Bible) A fly swatter was a favourite source of correction; yet I don’t feel emotionally scarred for life from having a few sore backsides in my day. It really didn’t happen all that much as I was such a model child. (Ahem)

                “Lighthouse parents, according to Parents magazine, provide a stable source of guidance for their children — like a lighthouse — while also giving them the freedom to grow and learn. They are sturdy, reliable, but not controlling…”  Lighthouse parenting strikes me as closer to a different, healthier, biblical model. “Children, always obey your parents, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged.” (Colossians 3: 2- 21.NLT) This style is implied in Jesus’ open invitation, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children.”  (Mark 10:14) And despite its occasional emphasis on the use of the rod, Proverbs is not advocating child brutality or cruelty: “Those who love their children care enough to discipline them.” (Proverbs 13:24) Love is the guiding principle for how we relate, teach, guide and prepare our children for their lives.

                “The lighthouse method is a balanced approach, and develops emotionally healthy children and adolescents ‘who go on to have deep, enduring relationships with their parents for their entire lifetime,’ says U.S. pediatrician Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg.” “Grandchildren are the crowning glory of the aged; parents are the pride of their children.” (Proverbs 17:6) Just as a lighthouse is a beacon for safe harbor, a light which shows the way, reveals the rocks and dangerous waters, lighthouse parents, Dr. Ginsberg wrote, are "a stable force on the shoreline by which a child can measure themselves against." Another expert was quoted as saying, "A lighthouse's whole purpose is to guide,"

 I would have to do a lot more research and reading to be able to fill out the details of lighthouse parenting.  But I can imagine that it involves good, positive, moral role modeling. “The godly walk with integrity; blessed are their children who follow them.” (Proverbs 20:7) It would seem to imply that parents are to be supportive, understanding, patient and yet provide clear expectations and behavioural, ethical standards. Therefore, there needs to be clear communication, but also very good listening, understanding and appreciation for what our children may be going through or experiencing. Parenting can be tough but so can being a child or a teenager. Most of all it means to parent with love, compassion and grace. Ideally, for me, it would mean to give spiritual nurture, to open up the sacred side of living, not to indoctrinate but to challenge a child to see the world beyond themselves in creative, holistic terms. Even, we grandparents can act as lighthouses for our grandchildren. 

Or as Jesus said, “No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house.” (Matthew 5:15) Our families need all the light they can find in today’s world.

Dale

Wednesday, September 18, 2024

“Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me. There is more than enough room in my Father’s home. If this were not so, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am.  And you know the way to where I am going.” “No, we don’t know, Lord,” Thomas said. “We have no idea where you are going, so how can we know the way?” Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the father except through me.  If you had really known me, you would know who my Father is. From now on, you do know him and have seen him!” (John 14: 1 -7, New Living Translation)

                If Jesus is really the answer, what is the question?

                It probably depends on whom you ask or when you ask it and why you’re asking it.

                There is an old, hoary joke about two six-year-olds whose class is being asked by their Sunday School teacher, “What is furry, gathers nuts and has a long, bushy tail?” The one child said to the other, “I think it’s a squirrel, but I bet you the answer is Jesus.”

                “Jesus is the answer” can be a far too glib, simplistic, generalized answer to what goes in our lives. Not that it isn’t true but the way some people use the phrase, it can become superficial. It can whitewash the challenges, the trials and tribulations we endure. It can sound too facile in the face of loss, suffering and failure. Believers may understand better because they are steeped in the Church, but others who have no faith foundation may turn a deaf ear because of their lack of experience and therefore appreciation for the depth of its meaning. But even we. Christians, can sound like Thomas, “No, we don’t know, Lord.” There is some existential honesty in Thomas that might resonate. “We have no idea where you are going, so how can we know the way?”

                “Knowing the Lord,” as a lady said to me today when she learned I was a minister and boasted how all her family “knew the Lord,” is crucial to our faith.  Her husband had been a minster as are most of her sons and a few other relatives. My family is rife with minsters as well. I envy her success rate as to the faith of her children. “Knowing the Lord” is not just for pastors and minsters but are words that should strike a spark in anyone and everyone. Then there are a few who claim to know the Lord, but certainly don’t act like it.

                Thomas knew Jesus personally and had watched him at work, at prayer, at miracles, at teaching sessions. Yet Thomas always appears as a natural doubter, somewhat of a skeptic, a prove-it-to-me kind of guy. Words alone never sufficed. He wanted to see for himself and experience firsthand what and who the Lord was. Our relationship with Jesus begins in what we observe about him, hear him say, watch him do, picture him as he is in the Gospels.  This relationship leads to more questions but it is a start.

                Jesus helps Thomas with the teaching that “I am the way, the truth, and the life.” Three short words that say so much. Seeing Jesus as the Son of God resonates through those words. Our relationship with Jesus leads us through all of  life’s journey. His truth gives us insight, hope, counsel, encouragement, strength, and inspiration. His life instructs us on how to live, to love, to be, to care, to forgive, to bless.

                We are getting into deeper waters now when we say “Jesus is the answer.” There is another step to take that brings those ties with him closer and tighter. “My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So, I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”  (Galatians 2:20) We have a religious idiom for this, too: “saved by grace.”  But what it means is that we entered this mysterious, sacred relationship with faith, confidence and assurance that no matter what, no matter the question or the questions, we are never alone, never forsaken, never without hope, never without God’s Love. “From now on, you do know him and have seen him!”

                It is perfectly okay to have questions and doubts and questions about Jesus. I expect there are a few occasions when he has his doubts about us. Maybe even, the more questions, the deeper one’s faith will grow. New insights. New understanding. New experiences. Only as we practice Jesus’ Way, Truth and Life, do we begin to answer some if not all the questions. It is a lifetime journey. “But I have no regrets. I couldn’t be more sure of my ground—the One I’ve trusted in can take care of what he’s trusted me to do right to the end.” (2 Timothy 1: 12, The Message Bible)

                The squirrel was the right answer. Jesus is the perfect answer!

 

Dale

Wednesday, September 11, 2024

God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we’re free of worry on Judgment Day—our standing in the world is identical with Christ’s. There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love. We, though, are going to love—love and be loved. First, we were loved, now we love. He loved us first. If anyone boasts, “I love God,” and goes right on hating his brother or sister, thinking nothing of it, he is a liar. If he won’t love the person he can see, how can he love the God he can’t see? The command we have from Christ is blunt: Loving God includes loving people. You’ve got to love both.  (1 John 4: 17 -21, The Message Bible)

                 My brother, Wayne, turns 80-years-old tomorrow. I’ll save the “getting old” jokes for his party on Saturday. Although, I think he reads this stuff, sometimes, and maybe I should use a larger print font our of respect for the elderly.

                In truth, my brother has been a significant influence in my life.  I am sure that we may have fought as most siblings do, but that is not the part I remember best. What I remember most appreciatively was and still is his constant encouragement and support. Especially during my teen years, he was the one I would turn to for advice and guidance.  During my high school years, I recall how many of my friends would rant and rave about their brothers or sisters, seemingly on the verge of hating them. It was so foreign to me as I deeply valued both my older sister and brother. Wayne was the one who welcomed and included me in his life in so many meaningful ways. For sure, he played an important and inspiring role in my decision to go into ministry. As the old song goes, he ain’t heavy, he’s my brother. And I am blessed and grateful for him. But don’t tell him I said so.

                Actually, we should be more active and vocal about the love we have for our family, friends and fellow believers in our communities of faith. We are living in a world that seems too full of hate, animosity, violence, brokenness and seething dislike of others. There is too little tolerance, forgiveness, respect, acceptance, forbearance, understanding and encouragement for one another, never mind love. We seem to isolate ourselves from one another, divorce ourselves from each other, seclude ourselves from those who are different, i.e. not like you or me. Be it in family life, school life, church life, politics or on a world stage, love gets a short shrift. Too many are “not yet fully formed in love.”

                Yes, love is an overused and overworked word, hard to define exactly and elusive. But to live without love is indeed crippling. All of us need love and deserved to be loved. The Good News is that we are all loved, first by God as demonstrated in the person of Jesus Christ. We have been given a model of love in the Word made flesh, Jesus. “Let me give you a new command: Love one another. In the same way I loved you, you love one another. This is how everyone will recognize that you are my disciples—when they see the love you have for each other.” (John 13: 34 -35, TMB)

                As a seminary student, I spent a summer as a chaplain at a correctional center for juvenile offenders. I led Wednesday chapels which were compulsory for the youth. Early on, I used the 1 Corinthians 13 chapter on love as my text.  After my “brilliant” discourse of what Love is, a young boy stood and yelled out that he was tired of always hearing about love at chapel services. He thought it was a bunch of baloney. When people lead lives without much, if any, love, it is easy to become cynical, bitter and doubtful.

                Which is to say, that love without actions, works and deeds ends up as a bunch of cliches and tired old love songs. “Yes indeed, it is good when you obey the royal law as found in the Scriptures: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” (James 2:8, New Living translation) This love is tangible, personal, generous, abundant, and even sacrificial, at times. The Gospel Love is expressed by what we do, say and practice. We are to love one another, as brothers and sisters, both literally and figuratively.

                These words are as true as ever. “Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have. Love doesn’t strut, doesn’t have a swelled head, doesn’t force itself on others, isn’t always ‘me first,’ doesn’t fly off the handle, doesn’t keep score of the sins of others, doesn’t revel when others grovel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts up with anything, trusts God always, always looks for the best, never looks back, but keeps going to the end.”  (1 Corinthians 13: 5-7, TMB)

                Happy birthday, Bro!

Dale

 Wednesday, September 4, 2024

“Dear friends, do you think you’ll get anywhere in this if you learn all the right words but never do anything? Does merely talking about faith indicate that a person really has it? For instance, you come upon an old friend dressed in rags and half-starved and say, “Good morning, friend! Be clothed in Christ! Be filled with the Holy Spirit!” and walk off without providing so much as a coat or a cup of soup—where does that get you? Isn’t it obvious that God-talk without God-acts is outrageous nonsense?”  (James 2: 15 – 17, The Message Bible)

                 Pardon me while I rant for a bit, even though it is probably spitting in the wind. Perhaps, you will disagree and that’s OK.

                On the weekend, Joey Chestnut crammed 83 hot dogs and buns down his gullet in a mere ten minutes. Apparently, it is a world record – whoopee-doo! His opponent could only scarf down a mere 66 hot dogs. Mind you, I am full after just two hot dogs, so if you are impressed by such things, be my guest.  

Here is my rant. For one thing, it looks absolutely disgusting to see a man stuff hot dog after hot dog into his mouth, barely chewing, cheeks bulging, food falling out of his mouth.  Gluttony is one of seven deadly sins and this seems to be a perfect example of piggishness – excess in eating and drinking for pleasure and profit.

But what really offends me more is that we live in a day and age where food security is a very real thing. This gluttonous display of hot dog eating is a wasteful exhibition of self-indulgence in the face of the real and imminent hunger issues in our world. People all over the world are living in famine; hundreds of thousands don’t have enough to eat. Children are starving. Even here in Canada, food banks are over-taxed and running out of food. Some folk have to choose between paying rent or buying food. We run breakfast programs for school children. We live in a land of plenty but there are families who go without food everyday and would welcome a few hot dogs.  Over 900 million tons of food is thrown away every year. A third of all food for human use is lost or wasted. This hot dog eating contest, despite its good intentions as something light-hearted and fun, comes across to me as a mockery and scorn for what is a very serious issue, that of hunger and food security. It is symbolic of our wastefulness, greed and selfishness.

I get it - if you canceled this event tomorrow, it won’t feed one single person in the Sudan, for example. Perhaps, the promoters of this nonsense could, at least, make some real contributions to a local food bank. That is what the food vendors at the recent Canadian National Exhibition did. After the CNE was over on Monday, many food vendors donated all their extra, unused provisions to Second Harvest, a Toronto food bank. Over 25,000 tons of food was gathered and donated. Now that is newsworthy and praiseworthy!

James, the epistle writer, shoves a different truth down our throats, it takes more than good intentions to feed someone. It takes our personal initiative, generosity and action to be involved in our response to hunger. Even this blog becomes meaningless without my action or unless I spur my readers into action. When I was lead pastor at Murray St, Baptist Church, we had several meal programmes, Sunday breakfasts, a monthly hot supper, food vouchers and meals for those we sheltered on a cold winter’s night. I take no credit for it. We had an army of volunteers who saw this is a way of making a difference, as an expression of their faith.

James is echoing that well-known and oft-used parable in Matthew’s gospel. “I was hungry and you fed me, I was thirsty and you gave me a drink, I was homeless and you gave me a room, I was shivering and you gave me clothes, I was sick and you stopped to visit, I was in prison and you came to me.” (Matthew 25: 35 -36, New Living Translation) When asked how that was possible, Jesus replies, “I’m telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me.” (v.40)

Or this: “Go out into the busiest intersections in town and invite anyone you find to the banquet.’ The servants went out on the streets and rounded up everyone they laid eyes on, good and bad, regardless. And so the banquet was on—every place filled.”  (Matthew 22: 8 -10)

Please, just pass the mustard and relish to all those who are sitting at the table!

Dale