Wednesday, September 25, 2024

“Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.”  (Proverbs 22:6, New Living Translation)

                Grandparenting is easy; parenting was hard.

                But I didn’t realize how complex and difficult it is for today’s parents, like our own adult children with their young families, until I read an article today on CBC News about “lighthouse parenting.” Never heard the phrase before. I have heard about helicopter parents; those who hover over their children every step of the way. But the article introduced me to other unfamiliar parenting styles. “Then came the bulldozer parents seeking to remove any and all obstacles out of our child's path… Then tiger parents pushed their children to be highly successful, while jellyfish parents were lenient and flexible….” There are more, but you get the idea. They left out “tough love” for parents of wayward teens as opposed to gentle parents who use gentle forms of persuasion and instruction.

                Now, I grew up in an age when the main biblical adage which supported some of my mother’s parenting style was: “Don’t be afraid to correct your young ones; a spanking won’t kill them. A good spanking, in fact, might save them from something worse than death.” (Proverbs 23: 13 -14, The Message Bible) A fly swatter was a favourite source of correction; yet I don’t feel emotionally scarred for life from having a few sore backsides in my day. It really didn’t happen all that much as I was such a model child. (Ahem)

                “Lighthouse parents, according to Parents magazine, provide a stable source of guidance for their children — like a lighthouse — while also giving them the freedom to grow and learn. They are sturdy, reliable, but not controlling…”  Lighthouse parenting strikes me as closer to a different, healthier, biblical model. “Children, always obey your parents, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged.” (Colossians 3: 2- 21.NLT) This style is implied in Jesus’ open invitation, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children.”  (Mark 10:14) And despite its occasional emphasis on the use of the rod, Proverbs is not advocating child brutality or cruelty: “Those who love their children care enough to discipline them.” (Proverbs 13:24) Love is the guiding principle for how we relate, teach, guide and prepare our children for their lives.

                “The lighthouse method is a balanced approach, and develops emotionally healthy children and adolescents ‘who go on to have deep, enduring relationships with their parents for their entire lifetime,’ says U.S. pediatrician Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg.” “Grandchildren are the crowning glory of the aged; parents are the pride of their children.” (Proverbs 17:6) Just as a lighthouse is a beacon for safe harbor, a light which shows the way, reveals the rocks and dangerous waters, lighthouse parents, Dr. Ginsberg wrote, are "a stable force on the shoreline by which a child can measure themselves against." Another expert was quoted as saying, "A lighthouse's whole purpose is to guide,"

 I would have to do a lot more research and reading to be able to fill out the details of lighthouse parenting.  But I can imagine that it involves good, positive, moral role modeling. “The godly walk with integrity; blessed are their children who follow them.” (Proverbs 20:7) It would seem to imply that parents are to be supportive, understanding, patient and yet provide clear expectations and behavioural, ethical standards. Therefore, there needs to be clear communication, but also very good listening, understanding and appreciation for what our children may be going through or experiencing. Parenting can be tough but so can being a child or a teenager. Most of all it means to parent with love, compassion and grace. Ideally, for me, it would mean to give spiritual nurture, to open up the sacred side of living, not to indoctrinate but to challenge a child to see the world beyond themselves in creative, holistic terms. Even, we grandparents can act as lighthouses for our grandchildren. 

Or as Jesus said, “No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house.” (Matthew 5:15) Our families need all the light they can find in today’s world.

Dale